As of April 3rd 2026 it has been a day shy of 393 days since my sweet girl had left. As of May 7th 2026 it’s been a whole year since. I miss her, my little girl, everyday and all the time. Every morning when I open my eyes. Every night before I go to sleep to do it all over again. Waking up each day to remember she is no longer here, not either heating up my tummy by being in her home or what it could’ve been her giving my chest warmth from cuddling up on her mommy, never fails to haunt me.
I don’t think I will ever think that she was meant to no longer be here, that “things happen for a reason”, or whatever people feed you once you lose a child. it should’ve always been mommy n mija. It still is mommy and mija just unfortunately in a different way I don’t think I would’ve ever imagined.
I miss your warmth you would give me.
I remember how she would always hurt me and I would get so upset, I would cry all the time always in pain always puking, trying my hardest to not connect to her, when deep down I was just falling more in love with her and being her mommy.
everything I went through was for her.
I heard her heart beat once. It was irreplaceable. She is irreplaceable. My sweet little one. I wish a lot of the time I could be able to think of how it sounded and be able to put it in a memorial stuffie for hers. Build a bear type shi. she would love it and I would adore it.
For the longest I wish I could’ve went back to do right by her. but I know I can’t do better for her constantly thinking the worst or constantly over thinking it dragging my baggage around. All I will do for the rest of my life is for her. For me. For our family that was started but not near finished. For our family who builds everyday and misses you all the time.
I can’t wait for the day I am able to reunite with her. To see her physically. To love her physically… like she has always deserved.
